apparently the secret to your success is patron
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
