THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
