Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
