the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
