Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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