this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
