dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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