He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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