somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
