I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
