A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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