Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
