she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm getting married
To pizza
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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