You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
