My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
