So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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