this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
