wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh god it's open bar.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
