6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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