I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm at about main and main street
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
