Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Two words: blizzard sex
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
