Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
