She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
