you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Actions speak louder than pants.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
