I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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