Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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