I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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