When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
