you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
