I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
