I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
