why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
