I'm lost and stupid without you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
