Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
