You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
