Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
