I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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