I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
