the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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