Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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