I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
