I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think my nap took me to another dimension
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
