Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
