can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
