We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
