just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
