Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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