Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
