i permit you to call me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
