Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
