remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm too high and old for this...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
