Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and she was petting her beer can
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
as a side note pls kill me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
