He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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