yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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