Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
