Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
