mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
