I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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