I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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