I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
