hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
