I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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