it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
