I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
